SMART
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
WOOF
A dog walked into a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
ELBOW
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drugstore that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed, "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message, "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop masturbating, your tennis elbow will never get better."
House Cleaning In San Diego
A Perfect Shine Cleaning is San DiegoÕs premier cleaning company for ALL your cleaning needs.
Bacon Salt
Everything should taste like bacon!
Buy some online today!
The links on the left or the Next/Back links on top will get you to the new stuff.
To get to the old stuff check the Archives.
ilovebacon.com is updated every weekday around Midnight Eastern
All submissions become property of ilovebacon.com.
By submitting you warrant that the submission is, to the best of your knowledge real and not staged and
that the photo has not been digitally altered.
In addition you maintain that the submission in no way violates copyright or infringes on intellectual property laws.
