Scott the Onion Peeler in Love.

One day in the Scottish town of...Scotston lived a man named...Scott Mc...Donald...'s. Scott McDonald's. Yes. Scott was a man with little skill. But he was amazing with a knife and the towns main crop was onions. Naturally the rest of the village saw this in him and made him the town Onion Peeler. (What town required an official name for onion peeling? You guessed it. It starts with an "S" and ends with a "cotston"...it doesn't rhyme with clampajenitts.)

So away he worked, day after day, week after week with the onions. Always with the onions. Always with the knife. He had tried using his finger to cut the onions and he had tried cutting his fingers with the knife. He soon learned that it was best to keep his fingers out of it altogether and just use the knife and the onion. Always with the onions. Always with the knife. Never again with the fingers. (only lost one.)

So one day a new girl arrived in town. And everyday she would pass Scott and his chopping (because as you know everyone chopped onions outside in those days as to not scare away the cats indoors which were worshipped and feared. Yes just like the egyptians.) And everyday Scott would see her passing by.

"Howdy-do missus!" he calls after her.

"Greetins'" she replies. "I was wundrin' if you'd like to go on a hay ride."

"Oh it sounds great, but I've got all these onions to peel. They have to be ready for this weekends banquet."

"Alright then. 'magin I'm going either way," as she walks on.

Scott humphed at her exit remark and got back to the onions.

The next day Scott got up early to start his onions quicker in the hopes that he will be finished when the new girl walks by again. (because in this type of world people have the same schedules and routines day by day. So the same person who shines an apple at 3 in the afternoon will be there again the same time next day...shining the same apple. Believe you me the apple is not happy about this. Back to our story...)

Seamus McShanty, the town mayor came to Scott just as he was finishing the last of his batch.

"Scott! We Mcneed your help. We're trying to Mcstrike a treaty between our Mcnobles and those of the Upper McArches. So we've Mcinvited them to our banquet this weekend."

Scott replied, "sounds like a good idea."

"I knew you'd say that. Truly I Mcdid. And so I know it won't be a Mcproblem for you to put in some extra Mchours on the onions," said McShanty.

"-But-" stammered Scott.

Slamming down two more sacks of onions, "I knew we could Mccount on you." McShanty vanished in a puff of smoke. (Seamus McShanty: Only known Scottish ninja!)

"Aaaacccchhhh! I'll never finish peeling these onions in time. Unless I peel them all at once and only make one trip to the kitchen. I'll be cryin' like a banshee with all of them in here at once but I need get them done!"

So Scott peeled and peeled and cried and cried. And it came to pass that the new girl walked by again. Scott was not finished with the onions and was in fact cryin' like a banshee. (so much in fact that the local Town Banshee was listening nearby and decided to take it's business elsewhere since Scotston apparently had a suitable banshee working for free. Some people...er banshees!)

"Scott? Scott are you alright?" she questioned.

"I'm sorry, missus. I'm just trying to get all these onions peeled," he slobbered.

"I can see that."

"See we've invited some neighbour nobles to the banquet this weekend so I must get these all out. It's very important. I realize that I said 'neighbour nobles' and it sounded like 'seņor naugles' or something funny but I'm dead serious," said Scott still slicing and dicing.

"I didn't notice the 'seņor naugles' reference. And I was just going to ask if you wanted to go swimming in the lake. But I-"

"-I'm sorry. I can't leave. My town before my happiness," he stuttered.

"I see. Well that's awfully naugle of you...er noble of you." The both laughed a bit at that. "I find that very attractive." And she was off.

Scott didn't stop crying that night even after he finished his onion quota.

The next morning Mayor McShanty woke Scott up early.

"Scott! Scott! Great Scott!!! I have good news for you! You've Mccut up enough onions for the banquet. And the neighbour nobles will be Mcpleased," said McShanty.

Scott couldn't help but stifle a laugh. "You're really Scottish aren't you?"

"What d'you mean?" asked McShanty.

"Nothing," said Scott. "So can I have the day off?"

"Sorry?" asks a still confused McShanty.

"Can I Mchave the Mcday off...ple-...Mcplease?" a finally sorted out Scott asked.

"Why certainly. I'm so Mchappy with your work I'll give you any girl in this town to Mcmarry. Name the girl already Mcunbetrothed and she shall be yours. 'Mcunbetrothed' may be a bit wordy even for me," queried McShanty.

"Perhaps. Well this is good news and I shall think on it some before I come to my decision," said Scott.

"I have the Mcfeeling you already have the Mcgirl in mind. See, now that sentence felt right. Mcgirl. Mcgirl. Sounds good. More McShanty. More Seamus McShanty. More Mayor Seamus-"

"-Well that's great!" says Scott as he pushes the Mayor out the door. Now only to get out to my peeling post and wait for that girl." Scott rushes out the door and waits at his post. The sweet smell of the onions reminds him that hard work pays off. The feel of the air reminds him of the girl and the way she spoke the first time he saw her. The laughing and screaming he hears reminds him that he never put on any clothes before he ran to his post.

"Aaaacccchhhh!!!" Needless to say this was Scott screaming this as he runs back to the cottage. Scott quickly throws on some clothes and runs back out to his post. On the cutting board was a note. He grabbed the note and began to read it until he heard yelling again and smelled torches. They were going to burn down the onion peeling post! They had decided that evil spirits had overtaken Scott for running around naked and the town must be cleansed. Scott ran down to the lake away from everyone. He didn't care about the post, only his love for this girl and whatever was in the message which could only be from her.

It read: "Scott. I've tried and tried to get closer to you. Someone so loyal to his township and such a hard worker. Someone who put others in front of himself. So I came today to ask you one last time. But you were gone. So it dawned on me... I could no longer find you a-peeling."

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