As a young boy, I was drawn to that most fabulous organization, The Cub Scouts.

One fine day, our little group was up at den mother Cass's house, her son being Teddy... our unofficial "cool" kid.

He had all the Shogun Warriors and the trampoline in the back yard... all the stuff that propels you to rock star status in the fourth grade.

Whatever the point of our being together that afternoon, quickly fell by the wayside as soon as Teddy blew a gasket and went absolutely insane.

At some point, he disappeared inside for awhile. He came running out of the house after we had kind of forgotten about him, hell bent on making sure we never, EVER forgot him again.

You could hear the laughter from inside the house getting louder and louder, until he burst out the front door with this crazed look on his face, stumbling across the lawn with his prize.

In his hands was this frightfully misshapen, multi-colored poopy.

This thing had a life of it's own. About six inches long, half of it was really light brown, a designer might call it Latte or some such thing. The other half was almost black, and in the middle, it was oozing liquid out all over Teddy's hands. Ay-yi-yi...

What do you do?

Everything was kind of slow-motion as he stood at the edge of the front yard, cackling really loud, kind of reeling around... clearly not right. When his mom came out to investigate, she flipped out almost as bad as our boy.

She grabbed him by the shoulders screaming, and dragged him and his treasure back into the house and slammed the door.

The sound of his laughter continued for quite some time, and I really don't remember much after that. Mostly, I just hope he was o.k., but my gut tells me he was inside flinging that thing around, laughing and jumping about, gunning for a serious spanking and probably making his mom cry a whole bunch.

Fantastic!

Thanks Cub Scouts... no homosexuals allowed, but turd flinging idiocy is A O.k.! Right on!

ilovebacon.com is updated every weekday around Midnight Eastern