RERUNS
Q: What do they call reruns of "Hee-Haw" in Mississippi?
A: Documentaries.

LOST INTELLIGENCE
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

SHEEPISH
An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western town when he noticed a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon he asked a local, "What do you guys do around here for entertainment?" "You mean women?" asked the local. "We ain't got none around here, so mostly we have sex with sheep." "That's disgusting," cried the correspondent, "I've never heard of such moral degradation." However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-up frustrations. Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares. "You bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled. "You've been doing it with sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me like I'm some sort of crazy pervert!" One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, "Yeah, but that's the sheriff's gal!"

FRENCH FLAG
The French have just ordered a new national flag. It's a white cross on a white background.

THE "F" WORD
Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "f" word?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!

NEW FOR MOM
After coming home sad from a date, a young woman told her mother: "Tom proposed to me tonight." "So, why are you unhappy?" her mother asked. "Because he told me he's an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." "Marry him anyway," her mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

DISNEYLAND
Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

A GREAT JOB
"I found a great job," a man says to his wife. "A 10:00 a.m. start, a 6:00 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends, and it pays $2,000 a week in cash!" "That's unbelievable," says the wife. "I know," says the husband. "You start Monday."

JEWISH MOTHER
Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

SECRET CODE
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter." One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy had said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

SHRINKING
A patient says, "Doc, I feel like I'm shrinking." The doctor replies, "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

GOLF NUT
A couple met at a golf resort and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over. "It's only fair to warn you, Judy, I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf." "Well, since you're being honest, so will I," she said. "I'm a hooker." "I see," said Bill as he thought for a moment. "Well, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

ONE ARM
Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.

PALMIST
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a palm reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For 15 dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future." Paul agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend." "That's true," said Paul. "Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?" "Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?" "Love line? No, from the calluses."

POSTAL FLAG
Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
A: They're hiring.

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