Quotes taken from actual Federal Employees Performance Evaluations

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started todig.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

This employee is not really so much of a has been, but more of a definite won't be.

Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that it's only to change feet.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This employee is depriving a village, somewhere, of an idiot.

This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

Got a full six pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

He doesn't have ulcers, he's a carrier.

I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

He's been working with glue too much.

He would argue with a sign post.

He brings a lot of joy--whenever he leaves the room.

When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

It's hard to believe the he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

Takes him two hours to watch 60 minutes.

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